You’re Doing it Wrong.

spam1Sadly, comment spam is a fact of life for anyone who writes a blog these days. Spammers are not only ubiquitous, but are getting ever wilier in crafting their spam messages to lure the unaware into clicking that link that leads them into one of many scenarios.

“Spam is considered the electronic version of junk mail; it involves sending unwanted messages, usually unsolicited advertising, to a large number of recipients.”

The least harmful, yet just as annoying, are the ones that take you to affiliate links, exhorting you to buy whatever product or service of the day they’re hawking. Much more harmful on the continuum of spam-crappiness, however, are the viruses disguised as innocuous programs that silently upload into your computer’s operating system and boot sector, and can sit there for months — or even years — on a countdown clock, ready to come to life and scramble the brains of your computer, often shutting it down for good when a certain condition is met spam4 (such as the Michelangelo virus in the 1990’s that would activate on the anniversary of the painter’s birthday). The most recent spam and malware has been strongly linked to cyber-terrorism abroad, and in a new twist to the evils of the web, ransomware.

“Spam is a serious security concern as it can be used to deliver Trojan horses, viruses, worms, spyware, and targeted phishing attacks.”

Most of these viruses were created by genuis-level, bored programmers with questionable ethics, although many of those who have been caught throughout the years protested virtuously that they were doing a favour to the companies whose systems were infected with their viruses, showing the light of day to product vulnerabilities. Regardless of the motives, these types of attacks are pernicious, costly, and quite challenging to defend yourself from, when your “job” is to post online several times weekly.

spam5As bad as these sound, these are nothing compared to the ever-more-popular netbots and “spiders”, whose sole purpose in life is to seek vulnerabilities in your computer system, then enter and upload silent background programs onto your system, such as keyloggers and other databots that search for private information such as your banking or government identification. As bad as Michelangelo is/was, the worst that program could do was destroy your computer. If your personal information falls into a ne’er do well’s hands, well, we’ve all heard the horror stories of what can happen. As someone who’s had their credit card number stolen in the past, I can tell you that the sense of personal violation, suspicion of those around me, and feeling simply “unsafe” in performing my daily activities takes a very long time to quieten, although it never completely goes away.

So, why have I jumped up on my soapbox today to decry the professional spammer’s methods and motives?

Because sometimes, as scary as the Byzantine world of the Internet can be, there are shreds of Shake-Your-Head humour to be found in the massive differences between a professional spammer’s methods, and the average greedy Joe who’s doing it for the luls. Case in point: I checked my Spam comment quarantine queue today, to see what my own anti-Spambots have caught, and hoo boy did they fish me up a good one! Far too long to recreate in its entirety, I shall show you only the first portion of this glorious “comment” that I received today:

{I have|I’ve} been {surfing|browsing} online more than {three|3|2|4} hours today,
yet I never found any interesting article like yours. {It’s|It is} pretty worth enough for me.
{In my opinion|Personally|In my view}, if all {webmasters|site
owners|website owners|web owners} and bloggers
made good content as you did, the {internet|net|web} will be {much more|a lot more} useful than ever before.|
I {couldn’t|could not} {resist|refrain from} commenting.
{Very well|Perfectly|Well|Exceptionally well} written!|
{I will|I’ll} {right away|immediately} {take hold of|grab|clutch|grasp|seize|snatch} your {rss|rss feed} as I {can not|can’t} {in finding|find|to find} your {email|e-mail} subscription {link|hyperlink} or {newsletter|e-newsletter} service.
Do {you have|you’ve} any? {Please|Kindly} {allow|permit|let} me {realize|recognize|understand|recognise|know} {so that|in order that} I {may just|may|could} subscribe.

Even better? The brain trust who sent this to me chain-loaded it with several more “Comments”, in the same choose-your-own-adventure style. Honestly, after freaking out about spam-bots, Trojan Horses, and ransomware, to see the level of this ineptitude just makes me giggle.

Have a great {night/evening/day/weekend}, everybody!  ;o)




3 Comments Add yours

  1. Kitty says:

    Spam Spam Spam


    1. Alicia Bird says:

      Spam spam and eggs!


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